The Unexplainable
by Meltable
Summary: I was too much of a child before to realise what I was feeling, too much of a child to admit what we both knew. (RH)


The Unexplainable  
  
Summery: I was too much of a child before to realise what I was feeling, too much of a child to admit what we both knew. (RH)  
  
Thanks to: All my BETAs and JK Rowling for the fabulous characters.  
  
Authored By: Meltable  
  
Disclaimer: You know I know I don't own anything, including the characters, the events that have happened and the history between these two ragamuffins. I just like a good fic.  
  
---  
  
I'm sorry I didn't tell you before.  
  
You have to understand.  
  
I couldn't before. But now I can.  
  
I don't know how you feel and I know you can't hear me anyway.  
  
I know you wouldn't have wanted this between us.  
  
I tried to help, you know. I really did. I just didn't make it in time.  
  
I was the one who shouted across the field as you fell, the one who caught you when you did.  
  
I'm sorry I couldn't be there more for you.  
  
I was just too much of a child before now to realise what I was feeling for you, to admit what we both knew but what you needed to hear.  
  
If that's what you want, I can tell you now.  
  
I would shout it from atop every mountain if that would bring you back, I would write it on all my books if that could give me you, I would even give up chess to hold you once again.  
  
But it won't. And I just can't understand why it was you they chose to target, why they didn't decide to take me instead.  
  
Deep down I do know why, I do know what made you special.  
  
I know what made you different, what made me depend on you.  
  
You were the rock, the one who knew all, who had to be done away with.  
  
You were the one that had the information, the one that was indispensable.  
  
I was, and still am, only the sidekick, the one who was supposed to dive in front of Harry to stop the spell that would kill him.  
  
Only it never came, the spell was never supposed to hit Harry, which is where we went wrong when we planned the attack and defence.  
  
Instead you're not here to tell me I'm foolish to be standing in the rain right now, to inform me that my robes are soaked through and through, that my hair is plastered to my forehead and that mourning doesn't do any good.  
  
But I'm just trying to accept your sudden death, trying to accept that you won't be here tonight, that you won't be here tomorrow when I wake up, won't be at Hogwarts next year to take our NEWTs.  
  
Here in the cemetery there is so much space, so many lots yet to be allocated.  
  
You were too young, I've whispered all too often. It should have been me, I preach to the empty ward.  
  
But still you do not live, still your body doesn't move, still you do not take me in your arms and cradle me, tell me it will be alright.  
  
In the past few days those four words have been muttered to me so many times, the meaning changed from person to person, the intensity varied.  
  
But I do not believe them when they comfort me, because nothing works without you here.  
  
Nothing reads the same, nothing plays out properly.  
  
Day after day I am reminded that life isn't fair, and day after day I pray you will miraculously come back to me.  
  
Every day I find something that reminds me of you, some small item that previously meant nothing to me, but because you touched it, I now treasure it.  
  
So here I stand, watching as the flowers on your grave wilt, as your tombstone becomes wet from the rain and as your grave becomes swamped with muddy water.  
  
I don't feel the cold wind that wraps around me; don't feel the comforting hand Ginny lays on my shoulder; all I feel is your l breath that was still warm on my cheek when your body turned ice cold, still feel the last words you whispered to me.  
  
It's not fair that you should be gone; not fair that my best friend and the love of my life leave me here to pick up the pieces, to settle the dust.  
  
I'm sorry I didn't tell you before Hermione.  
  
I'm sorry you didn't hear the words before, that you had to die without knowing, but now that's what I have to do.  
  
I hope this is enough for you, I hope this makes you feel better.  
  
I guess all I can do is remember you, and hope you save me a place next to you.  
  
Where ever that is.  
  
For now I have to leave you.  
  
I can feel your disapproving gaze; can almost hear the words you used to scold us when we came in wet from the rain.  
  
I won't catch a cold though 'Mione, I often replied, not catching the fact that you sounded overly concerned, that you were worried about me.  
  
I'd better go, seeing as Mum's got the car running and Ginny's patiently waiting to take my arm. I hope you can hear me, that you watch me as I go about my life missing a part of me, like a puzzle with one piece missing; like a soup without the broth.  
  
I love you Hermione.  
  
---  
  
Ok, I hoped you liked it, I realise it's really short but BA-RAM-YOU, I like it this way. Here's my review song, so you will review.  
  
It's really quite easy, You don't have to be queasy. Just go push the button that is blue, So I can read your review!  
  
Ok, wow. That was fantastic. Just review, thanks! 


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